Trust is one of the fundamental pillars of a relationship. When it is damaged, it is challenging to rebuild it. When it is contaminated, jealousy, insecurities, reproaches, and distancing arise. IN this article, we will present how to regain someones trust.
Do you have trouble believing what your partner tells you? Does it hurt to think that he may be lying to you or hiding information? When you think about the future of both, do you feel insecure? Do you recognize being suspicious when he says he loves you and wants to be with you? Are you still arguing frequently for lies, disappointments or betrayals of a long time ago? You want to trust again, but it costs you much.
How to Regain Someones Trust?
I know that sometimes you would like to get up in the morning and that nothing that made your trust in your partner falter would have happened.
Reality hits hard to remind you that recovering what you had and the security you felt is not a magical act that will occur.
Are you willing to consider this aim as a process through which you will have to travel instead of something that only your partner has to earn?
I know it is tempting to think “it will have to be him or her who has to show me that I can trust again,” but be careful to approach this as a passive wait on your part!
Consider that the trust we place in bonds has also been built over time, so when someone breaks it, your mind will need to experience new and repeated security experiences until you feel calm and comfortable again, and all this, as You know, it takes time.
You need to live and relive that you can count on your partner again, and your partner needs to experience several times that your skepticism, disbelief, and distrust are diluted.
Now, that implies a way to go, does not mean that while you can not find yourself better. There is a part that depends on you, and that is what you have to concentrate your efforts on.
Tips to regain trust in couples
Once you think it is possible to become a team again, and also assume that your attitude and behavior can speed up the process, you are much more open to reflect on how you can contribute.
Nobody says it’s easy, or that you’re the only one who has to take charge. Focus on what is up to you, without overwhelming or pressing you.
Let’s see what can help you with this goal:
#It is your decision (freely taken)
“I have decided.”
When you are more afraid of suffering again for trusting again, keep in mind that you have opted to try.
The decision to give another opportunity to your partner or the relationship is yours or should be, the result of your freedom and preference.
When you regain confidence, you need to keep the reasons in mind, since it is in them you will find the strength and determination to wait for everything to resurface.
You can’t try to trust your partner again, just for grief. Keep in mind that the possibility of recovering the lost not only gives it to your partner, but you also give it to yourself.
You are betting on the building, even if you risk. Following the defense and being on a permanent alert can boycott the entire process.
# Goodbye to reproaches
While your relationship is under construction, it goes wrong. Everything remains to be seen, I know. You have moments when you cannot avoid showing your insecurity with rage and your skepticism with irony.
You answer with mistrust to your partner, and you think it is the minimum punishment that you can infringe for having done what he has done.
Transform your recriminations on past issues into specific requests present. Talk about what you would like to achieve now, not what was missing back then.
# Focus on what makes you trust
The natural tendency now is to look for data that substantiate. Your partner is cheating on you, lying to you or missing your commitment.
You are too trained to discover the other failing. Now, let’s do just the opposite of what is born to you automatically, knowing that it will take much more effort.
Look for data that confirms that you can trust him/her. Make a small list of all those behaviors, words, expressions, and attitudes that come to you as signs of trust.
Practice this exercise regularly. It will help you a lot more to look for signs that things are going well than to obsess you with finding evidence that the catastrophe is imminent.
The “do as if …” exercise is based on the “fake it till you make it” (pretend to get it) of the Americans. Richard Wiseman, in his book The As If Principle: The New Approach to Changing Your Life invites you to apply this tool with everyday examples of life.
Act as if you already have what you want to achieve, so that your mind and body align with the objective, allocating all your energy to achieve it.
Can you imagine how your relationship would be if you trusted again? Live as if you already had immense reasons to trust your partner, that the relationship breathes and the advantages of security and tranquility, so you will be much more motivated to take care of yourself.
Behave as if the trust was already in you. Think about how someone would trust and work accordingly.
You will begin to notice that your link is ventilated like when you open a window in a room with a charged atmosphere.
Can my thoughts influence my relationship so much?
I have seen many couples in my office who failed to overcome infidelity or disloyalty for their beliefs. They were reluctant to relax even though everything indicated that there had been a positive change in their bond.
Are you looking for your partner to pay for their sins?
Do not make this a revenge. Do not turn your goal into a cluster of tests that your partner has to pass to win your approval again. If you do this, you will be depositing your well-being in the hands of another, depending on what you do or say to sleep peacefully.
Do you want to spend the rest of your life distrusting with anxiety?
Why don’t you grant yourself the right to participate in this process called “recover lost confidence? If you feel that you can also do something to rebuild your alliance and commitment, you will feel more control over the situation and less anguish.
So look for what you can do to create a climate of openness and authenticity. If you leave all the weight to your partner, you will put yourself in a situation of waiting and helplessness. 100% of security never existed.
It is possible to be happy without having that immunity that you never had because nobody has it. The only sure thing is what today, here and now, you are living. Do not forget to give yourself another opportunity to be continually expecting a dramatic ending that does not have to come.